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11 October 2020 @ 05:15 pm

view deck :D
Hi! I’m Mel and I love NEWS and Super Junior. ^0^ STANDARD DISCLAIMERS APPLY to all fanfiction and the gorgeous picture above is taken with permission from the person who owns it (pm me if you're interested in seeing that person's other works ^0^, I'll gladly give you the links). More about me can be found here if interested.

Layout taken from din4mo   and header is from dreamzet . Thank you!





Koyashige Drabbles | 24_times 
1  2

Super Junior Masterlist

08 July 2016 @ 03:26 am
And so… here I am…. Hi! It’s been so long. I don’t think anyone is still here but on the off chance someone sees this, I hope you’re doing fine.

My last decent post had been 3-4 years ago… before this journal was completely abandoned. I hope this is not my last post, but year after year, even though I always intended to go back, life and responsibilities always took priority. I am not young anymore, and my stamina is not as strong as before.

I suppose I should have expected this, my doctor commented about it, after all. But I did my best, in place of writing, I have hiking now, and regular yoga.

Which brings me to the reason why I’m here today. Aside from this long break I managed to snag. I am also 30 years old this year. And we all know that midlife crisis happens earlier now. But even so, even if this break is caused by a midlife crisis, I should be grateful I am experiencing it.

I never thought I would reach this age, actually. Not intact. Not in this way.

And this is why I am here. I am here to tell you/this journal that I made it. For once, I can safely say that I have transitioned from that stage, and that I will be okay. Whatever happened in the past and whatever happens in the future, I will be okay.

I am an adult now. I may not be the person I imagined myself to be. But I’m still here. The process, was hard, and required me to lose things I never thought I would lose. It was a hard bargain, but somehow, it happened. I want to say that it was not my choice, but the truth is, at the expense of fitting in, I had to lose the very thing I protected so dearly.

I have never improved my writing. There are moments too when I realized that it may actually have gone worse. Or maybe not worse, I just lost that tone— my voice, the kind of writing I had cultivated all my life. If there are any traces of it, I have yet to find it.

But that’s the thing I have to learn to accept, I guess. I am still a writer but I am not the writer that I used to be. And it is all my fault.

What did I realize after all those years? Even though, I had desperately wanted to fit in, I am always, in a way, an outsider. It could be because I am partly of another race and I don’t look like a typical Filipina, but mostly, because I don’t have the social skills. Haha. And it’s okay.

I am learning to be comfortable of my own skin. But at the same time, I cannot dismiss the importance of belonging, of valuing what makes me similar with other people. I guess, I have finally learned how to be human. But how to be an adult? I don’t know about that yet.

Maybe in the next few years, I’ll have an answer. I’ll let you know.
Current Location: Home
Current Mood: amusedamused
15 September 2013 @ 10:17 pm


Current Location: home, 14.5561,121.0581
27 June 2013 @ 12:00 pm
  • Thu, 00:09: I have no idea where this story is going
  • Thu, 00:10: RT @VeryShortStory: I removed the crown from your sleeping head and tried it on. It fit perfectly. Father said I was to be king but my hear…
  • Thu, 00:10: heh heh
  • Thu, 00:20: I just combined two cliches to create one big angsty plot, somebody kill mehhh
  • Thu, 10:27: Actually, I was writing this according to a friend's request but then the story turned out completely different from the plan T_T
26 June 2013 @ 12:00 pm
  • Tue, 22:48: ang init
  • Tue, 23:17: maybe in some ways, you were inevitable <---- suddenly unearthing stuff I wrote that don't make sense
  • Tue, 23:21: I want to write but my thoughts are scattered everywhere and I'm dabbling on everything all at the same time T^T
25 June 2013 @ 12:00 pm
  • Mon, 12:14: I forgot to upload the pictures... ^0^
  • Mon, 22:36: I'm packing every memory that we made In a suitcase ~~~~~
  • Mon, 22:46: She said I remember loving you All of the good shit and all the bad shit too ~~~~~
  • Tue, 10:18: I should have gone to a yoga class today #sleepy
30 April 2013 @ 10:51 pm

test.  er... hi? just downloaded a livejournal app for android and somehow.... I can't seem to access all its features? ha ha. 

12 May 2012 @ 11:34 pm

I dreamt of my father again. For the first time in months. I didn’t pay attention to my surroundings because I didn’t know where we were headed. All I can grasp of my memory now is of medium sized boats, a pier, the sea and a beautiful sunset.

My father is still sick. But he’s not as thin as he was before he died. His room is bright, glass windows with white lace curtains and a view of the pier and the sea. He has a big white dog that needed to be restrained from visitors because the dog is too protective and will pounce on you if unrestrained.

I like to think that he was reborn somewhere. Somewhere by the sea. Living a simple life like he always wanted, like he always did.  Maybe he’ll grow up to be something great, maybe he’ll grow up rowing those boats. I just wish… just wish that stress don’t kill him like in this lifetime too.